"..So here
I am
Don't know
how to
say this.
The only
thing I
know is
awkward
silence.."

Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004//10:19 pm

I finally made my decision. I am quitting this diary.

I have made so many changes throughout this diary. From barely smoking pot, to everyday, to not at all. From being a virgin, to screwing several guys, to vowing not to have sex again. From thinking God is real, to being agnostic, to thinking he might just exist.

I am over Shane. Completely. The best thing I ever did was 'kiss' Cole that night. I thought I was just going to lay down and die when he broke up with me, but I am so very much stronger now than I was then. I can survive anything, and Ive proved that to myself many times before.

It?s kind of weird to be closing this chapter in my life, but so welcomed. Ive loved him and hated him with all my heart. And now Im done with him. He had no idea at the time, but when he said those hurtful words 'shes not my damn girlfriend anymore', he broke any chances of us still being friends. Something just snapped inside me when I heard he said that. Wow, what a dumbass I was.

I know, to the long time readers, it must seem like all I do is change diaries. I?ve made it 1 years on this one. Crazy huh? Ive had, what, 3 before this one Ok well one of them I still use as my diary to my g-ma, but its getting deleted. My poetry page is getting an overhaul or deleted as well. My random diary, I will keep that one. But you all have no idea how much I dread coming here to update. I think of it every time someone says escaped.

If you want to know where it is, email me. If I like you I will email you back with the URL. I dont even think people read here anymore. Well, what is done is done. Ive said things that have pissed you all off, and I meant for them to. I guess I did a good job if no one reads me anymore.

So, diary, farewell. All these memories will not be missed. Goodbye sweet/sour diary. Goodbye everyone who chooses not to follow me.

<<< lost && looking >>>

Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004