"..So here
I am
Don't know
how to
say this.
The only
thing I
know is
awkward
silence.."

random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004//5:00 pm

So I'm pretty sure that Robert likes me. He keeps calling me, which is okay because he's a cool guy and all. But..eww. Never, ever, in 100 million years would I even CONSIDER dating him. Harsh, but it's my life. He called me just a minute ago and asked me to go out to dinner with him. AGH. My most-used excuses are running through my head right now. I think I'll use the mom one, 'i have to go to my mom's house tonight so we can 'talk' about our current 'situation'.' Which, hey, could be true you know.

I really really need to call Andy. But what is there to do? I suppose I could go to the movies with him, but is that too..Romantic? Too personalized, there we go. Who says I have to do anything with him tonight? I'm such a spaz, really. I haven't talked to him in almost 2 weeks. I'm sure new things have happened since then, right? Hopefully there would be something to talk about.

I found my sister's diary today. She told me that she had a bunch of books and that if I got bored that I could go through them and find one. Well, I honest-to-god thought it was a book, until I saw that it was hand written. I only read one entry. It made me want to cry. she was saying things like "I weigh 1X0 pounds, I am such a fat cow, no one likes me, why is my boyfriend with me still, he doesn't like me and he doesnt want to get married, i hate it when he yells at me' He better not yell at her! I don't care how much *I* want to marry him, if he lays a finger on her I will murder him. But I won't get into that.

I started crying when i read "Megan is getting so pretty". It's okay for me to say these things to myself, but for someone else to think this about themselves? Totally unacceptable! But wait, how fair is that? It's made me think a lot. Shane had to put up with that shit for 2 years, I don't think I could.

I know, I am such an awful person for reading that. I would die if someone read mine, just because it's talking about drugs and sex the entire time. I would die. plus, I'm still not 18. 59 more days!

Ok I'm still at my sister's apartment, so i better go. I don't think I'm going to stay the full 2 weeks, but we'll see. I've already been here a week, doesn't seem real. I keep eating fast food, I weighed myself when I went home this morning. I am so ashamed.

<<< lost && looking >>>

Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004