"..So here
I am
Don't know
how to
say this.
The only
thing I
know is
awkward
silence.."

f-off - 12.25.2003//5:48 pm

I've got to get this black out of my hair. I hate it. It looks SO bad on me. Everyone keeps asking me why I wanted it black, well I wanted it dark. Now I realize that I didn't want it *this* black, but just dark brown. Jesus. I will be washing my hair once or twice a day until it comes out (if I do, maybe it'll be out before school starts back, but I still have to face everyone at work *hides*)

I got $240 for xmas, plus an $80 gift certificate to Kohl's. Various other things, slippers, lotions, an adorable umbrella. I will pamper myself tonight. I got a pedicure set, a set of 12 nail polishes, and a make-up kit that has everything imaginable X 3. My mom got one of those parafin wax things, so I might try that out as well. Tonight is all about ME. Which is exactly why I am refraining from telling you what happened for christmas. I'm waiting till I'm depressed or something.

I hate christmas, so I won't say merry christmas. fuck you all! :)

8:16pm

Okay, I feel better. Why? Because I decided to actually use my christmas presents. I smoked a cigarette, so that's probably a lot to do with it. I took a shower and washed my hair 2 times, both of which the water turned black. That's a good sign, the dye will actually come out. Washing it took the zing, the 'oh god that's shiny black' out of it, which is a VERY good thing. I soaked my feet while painting my nails white. I scrubed my feet, then used the Bath and Body works foot scrub, then some foot lotion that is *excellent*. I painted my toe nails a deep red. I put lotion on my legs and arms. Then came the fun: I experimented with all that make-up that my sis got me. I bet there is over 100 different things in this kit.

I've decided some very important things: 1) I do not look good with eyeliner on, no matter what form or color 2) I love love love brown mascara 3) The only color of blush that shows up on me is pink/red 4) I don't care what people think of my hair, because it will be okay.

I have been so stressed out over the past few days, tonight was exactly what I needed. Everyone should go do a self makeover. *mwah* I love you all!

I just made another diaryring:

<<< lost && looking >>>

Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004