"..So here
I am
Don't know
how to
say this.
The only
thing I
know is
awkward
silence.."

- - 09.25.2003//9:47 pm

I wish I could just let my feelings out sometimes. You know there's times that you want to cry but you just can't. I suck at doing this. Like I cried at LeAnn's and my AD's funerals, but not before or after. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to cry, really I did, but nothing happened. it's very weird. Neither seem to be real. Which makes my "healing process" so much longer. But in a way it's good because I take the grief in doses I can handle.

All of this sucks. It really doesn't feel like she's gone you know. I just read the newspaper article for the first time. It was printed a few days ago and I just couldn't read it. and I cried. Of course I cried. It's so weird and hard to read "____ was pronounced dead at the secene of the accident," and know them. I don't know, for some reason this is a LOT harder than reading about my g-ma's accident in the paper. Maybe cause I'm weird like that? I don't know how I'm going to go through tomorrow, because I am seeing my g-ma by myself tomorrow and I have to drive there and back on the same road she died on. Drive by the very spot.

<<< lost && looking >>>

Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004