I can't do this. I cant keep living like this. I got in a fight with Shane through text messages. He said he saw my arm. He said "who will i get to see if you do something stupid like that?" So now I'm stupid? I started crying. Maybe it was also because that I was cutting when he said that. Gashes that don't mean anything. They're my souvenier for my lovely fight with him.
I got scared there for a minute. Once I started, I didn't feel like I could stop. One turned into five. How? I want to cut up my entire arm, my entire body, then go puke. I'd like not to wake up.
I said I was sorry that I was having this conversation with him. He said he was bringing it on. I said I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. He said please dont do anything.
I am such a bitch. I can't face people. If I feel like this in the morning then I'm not going to go to school. I mean, yeah I am cause I'm getting high in the morning but I can't stand people.
I've told him too much. I never talk to people when I am this beyond. And I broke that barrier, and now he's worried. He knows too much. He deserves someone so much better than me. I feel like the psychobitch stalking gf.
HE SHOULD NOT BE FUCKING WORRYING ABOUT ME. I AM NOTHING BUT A STUPID SELFISH WORTHLESS BITCH!
I would be so much better off dead than being here right now. At least then I wouldn't be fucking worrying people. Damn I hate myself so much.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004