It seems like just yesterday it was my g-ma's 1 year anniversary for her wreck, and it's almost 2 years now. I can't believe this. I don't remember her ever being normal now (hardly), but it seems like just yesterday I got that fucking call. Everything just seems unreal.
Shane IS going on the DC trip. Which means I'll have to see him for 3 weeks now. I am not looking forward to this at all, I don't want the awkwardness of not talking to him, seeing him and looking away. Because he let me make an ass out of myself when he should have just fucking told me, no big deal. I didn't cry, I'm not going to beg for him to come back to me because I don't want that. I just wouldn't have said a lot of the things I did, saving myself stupidity marks (i seem to have about 5 million so far). I don't want to be forced to make small talk with him, and it's going to be too odd if I act like nothing is wrong. I don't know why I'm letting this bother me.
My cat is passed out on the floor on his back. He looks so peaceful. I wish I could feel that good right now. But instead my cousin has fucked everything up for us and I don't want to get into it because then I will just stress myself out even more. I'm going to go listen to Creed (just the first 3 songs on their 1st album, that's all I like), stare at the wall, or maybe work on my poster thingy.
If anything else goes wrong I'm going to break down and cut. Please don't let anything go wrong. I don't know how I'm going to stay sane through this DC trip. I mean, after 9 days I'm going to want to kill my friends I"m hanging out with, and then I'll be stuck around Shane (well I hope not anyway). I bought 30 batteries, that should last me (26 hour bus ride THERE, which means about 10 batteries there and 10 back, plus that week).
I can feel an anxiety attack coming on.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004