I don�t know what I�m going to do. I have one friend who is through with guys forever I think. And then there�s another one who wants a boyfriend so badly, she thinks that it will solve all of her problems and she�s so miserable when she sees couples (her words, not mine). And here I am, I have a boyfriend who cares about me, and I feel guilty. Horrible. Selfish. Like my friends should come before my happiness. Which is what I have thought all of my life: who cares if I�m happy just as long as others are. And this is the reason I started pretending like life was perfect, so others don�t worry about me. And then there�s times like this where my facade is broken and people freak because I�m depressed.
I feel so selfish for telling shane exactly what I feel right now. Like I shouldn�t bother him, shouldn�t waste his time because I am not important, he just needs to see that. I shouldn�t pull him into my struggles, because he didn�t do anything to deserve them.
He just made me realize something. I have created all of my problems. I cannot blame them on anyone else. He said �you care too much about others and not about yourself. People expect you to solve their problems� yes because I have been for so long. And it�s catching up and I�m trying not to go crazy now.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004