I've seen or talked to shane (almost always both) every night this week. Things are going so great between us right now. When he came over last, whenever it was that i wrote that, we watched dumb and dumber and held hands. I haven't seen him since Thursday morning for 2 minutes. He text'd me today and said "I really miss you and I'm GOING to see you when you get back today" :D He makes me so happy.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: I SUCK A BIG FAT HAIRY ASS. I AM A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. Yeah, that covers it.
Obviously ^ I didn't make all-state. So fuck every single one of you!
God damn I'm in a pissy mood. I have been since Friday night when I found out. But I've put my plastic smile (TM) on and smiled when I say 'fuck you' to everyone.
I wish I could just kill myself and get it over with. I am getting so caught up in the future and I'm starting to have really bad anxiety. I can't think about this or I'll need a cigarette and I can't go smoke cause my brother's up. Oh yeah I went to Jake's house Friday night and only took 3 hits. I was proud, I wanted to get fucked out of my mind but instead I went home and slept. Go me?
Shane. I can't stand to think about not seeing him for a weekend. What am I going to do when school's out? I'm out of my fucking mind. I wish he'd stop touching my stomach. It's making me freak out. I just want to scream "I am so fat and you're not helping! Don't touch all that disgusting fat on me!" But I can't.
I need to go cut. Shane will see them though. Oh well fuck it. Maybe I want him to see them...I think he thinks that I'm okay again. He has no idea.
These pills are starting to sound more and more appealing. I wonder how many of these hydrocodone in front of me I would have to take to overdose. At least if I was put in the hospital I wouldn't have to go to school or work. I could just lay there. I want to be locked up in a fucking mental institute. That's what I need more than anything.
I don't want to be another anxiety-ridden whiney teenage girl. But you know, these pills are looking great. And really, how bad would it be just to not wake up in the morning?
Peace out kiddos.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004