Everything is going to be okay. It just hit me out of nowhere, I am going to get past everything in my life. Graduation is tomorrow morning at 10, and then I will officially be done with high school forever and ever (amen). My g-ma's getting to come down for it, and she's so excited. She told me tuesday that she was getting her hair done and that she already has something picked out to wear.
Cole has everything turned around. he told everyone at HQ that we made out and I told him that I really liked him. Well, I did but I also said that I knew things wouldn't work out and he said he understood. AM decided to inform me last night that she thinks he's seeing someone else. I just looked at her and said "good. was that supposed to bother me?" She's been getting on my nerves lately, I need to stop hanging out with her. I don't even want to get into it.
It's kinda sad that all these guys are getting over me. All because I held on to the delusion that Shane and I were going to get back together. Cole's getting over me (which is a GOOD thing cause really nothing would have EVER happened). Spencer's 'in love' with one of J's friends, who is dumber than a box of rocks and so f-n immature but whatever. Shane..eh read on.
Shane. Things are over, for good. I know I've said that so many times, but I am over him. It hit me yesterday. How could I have been so pathetic this past month? And more importantly, why didn't anyone tell me?! He broke up with me a month ago yesterday, and I'm okay with that. I realize that he really doesn't give a shit what I do anymore, because he doesn't care about me any more. A week ago this fact would have made me cry, but now I can smile about it. What's done is done, I can't go back and change anything.
I still don't know the real reason he broke up with me, but now I don't think it matters. He's still giving me bullshit excuses, but whatever. I have to see him tomorrow at grad (maybe), June 6 for my g-ma's party (my gma wants to meet him, god help him if he doesnt come), and for 3 weeks in the summer for our practices for DC and the trip. After July 8, I will never see him again. And I think that's okay.
I finally found out the reason that his friend Andy hated me so much. And this is a direct quote from Shane "He only likes really skinny girls with really big boobs and they have to be really pretty" Mmk so Andy thinks I'm fat and ugly so he's going to hate me for it? Fuck him. I don't care what Andy thinks about me, too bad I didn't realize how shallow he really is.
I am stronger now than I was a month ago. My entire world changed. I've graduated high school and lost my true love of 2 years. But there will be no more tears shed for him. I am letting go of all this hurt and self-torture. I am a free independent woman now. Hell, I might even go on dates now, if I found the right guy.
I am going to be okay.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004