So brother decides to get pissed off at me last night for no apparent reason. He says something to me which makes me cry, then he calls me lazy and fat. That is the biggest oxymoron coming from him.
So today he gets pissed at me again. Only this time he�s like my father. He hit me and he kicked me and called me fat and worthless and said the other thing he said last night which I will never put down in here. He is exactly like my father. He doesn�t realize it.
So back to him calling me fat. I figured out when I was writing in my journal why that upsets me so, or what it seems to be. I know I am fat. It is stuck in my head. But no one else has actually said �You�re fat Megan� except for him. So I could have shrugged it off if it would have just been me thinking/saying that. But now that someone outside my head said that, it must be true. I didn�t need him verifying this for me. I know I am hideous and I am utterly disgusting.
And I think I still have strep from last week. After the whole medicine making me vomit scene, I didn�t take anymore. Felt ok until today. It hurts again. Jesus I can�t get well. Ever. Like my father would say� �[I�m] just too expensive��
It�s utterly pathetic when I can�t wait another 20 minutes so I can go take a shower and go to work. It will be another long night at work because we have 2 rather large parties coming in at 7:30. As long as they leave before 11:35 (Saturday night) or 10:40 (last night) I�ll be happy. And hey I need the money. Saturday I worked 7 hrs and 33 minutes. That�s awesome. Because�
Ok my friend Shay is in Cali right now and she said �wouldn�t it be cool if you could come spend a week in cali with me this summer� yeah of course it would. So I ran it by my mom thinking there�s no way in hell she�d let me fly there and back by myself. Really long story short, instead of all of us going to Houston (mom doesn�t want to shop and I don�t want to go to Branson), she might let me go to cali! But it�s $300 flight round trip, which I don�t have right now. Plus things are super expensive out there. And I can�t get more hours at work unless someone quits, which they�re not planning on doing.
Oh one more thing before I go. I finished sad-poet. Finally, after 3 or 4 months. The damn server switch killed me, and then my template decided to not work anymore. After everything, it�s up and ready. I am just going back through and checking for little things I need to fix ie grammar, spelling, lines in the right spot. But, enjoy!!
sad-poet go there, but make sure you read the thing on the left that says �Read first!� thanks bye.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004