As she stared out her large window into the darkening abyss, she wondered how her life had gotten to this point. Things were piling up, and very rapidly. What did she do to deserve this life?
Sure, she wasn�t the perfect child, but she wasn�t unordinarily bad either. At least, not to her parents knowledge. They didn�t know that she had skipped classes today or used her lunch money to buy cigarettes the day before. They didn�t know that she drinks or smokes pot. They didn�t know that she cut and punched herself as punishment. But most of all, they didn�t know how much she hated herself, all the countless times she stood in front of the mirror and pinched all the fat on her body.
All the incessant noises rang in her head. Over and over, all the stupid things she had ever said were ringing so loud in the hollow space in-between her ears. There was nothing up there, just the voices in her head that told her that she was worthless, fat, and that no one cared. She felt crazy, she knew she needed help, but she must not burden others with her silly nonsense.
At school she was expected to be the perfect child. Must make all A�s, be nice, friendly, caring, attentive, so on and so forth. She was caring and funny and the life of the party around her friends. Her so-called friends that didn�t know that she was anti-social, or that she rarely listened to anything they said. Nor did they know that she totally despised being around them.
Her boyfriend was less-than-perfect. He never seemed to really care about her. When he�d ask what was wrong, she would reply �nothing� and he�d go on his merry little way, not seeing the true pain in her eyes. She knew she should break up with him, but the guilt was too much for her to go through with it. �Remember, please others before yourself�. This was her daily torture phrase. He would be so heartbroken without her.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004