And that guy the other day that said the comment about the anorexic thing. Friday we were on the bus to bowling, and somehow he started talking about death. he said "but no one would cry for you. you don't want people crying for you" And that hurt my feelings. As juvenile as that last sentence is, it really did. He might as well have said "no one likes you and if you died right now no one would cry because you're a fat fuck-up" because that's how it translated in my head. He is such a dumbass sometimes.
I'm sorry. This is my only place to vent. I can't say any of this to anyone because they just don't get it. Most of my friends will give me these responses: "get over it", "it's not that bad", "freak" (well not said but implied). Yeah. Some friends I have. No one has been in my shoes. I hope to god no one ever will be. And I noticed that I don't have any friends that truly understand eating disorders. Like I had this poem about EDs but I couldn't let anyone read it (it was a beautiful poem) because they just don't understand. Sure, 1 or 2 have said that they have had one, but really I don't think they have. They weren't consumed by the very brain-racking things I think every hour of every day.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Like I said earlier. My life was turned upside down in August. I am always with friends or at school because I can escape this hell-hole reality. if I am out with my friends I do not have time to think about the shittiness of my life. And my mom doesn't understand this, she thinks I need to stop going out so much. God august has sucked ass. I am glad it's over, but I am afraid of what's to come in September.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004