I have been slowly reading through these entries in here. How did I go from wanting to marry Shane, to not wanting to hear his name, to 'okay I like him now that I can't have him back'? Why was I so FUCKING NIEVE about Michael? I can't even finish reading these entries, saying how much I liked Michael. I can't believe that I ruined every fucking thing with Shane over that asshole. I was quite rude to him. Maybe if I glare at him long enough he'll get the fucking picture.
I'm quite retarded. I locked this so Sarah wouldn't read it. Well I gave sarah my login password, so she could have been reading them all along. I changed it today. Now I hope I can remember it. Speaking of Sarah...I didn't see her all day. Which is ok. I tried calling her after school, but surprise she didn't answer, and surprise she didn't call me back. Whatever.
What the fuck is wrong with me? She is my best friend. She knows everything about me. She acts like she has it so much better than I do. If someone told you they had an eating disorder, would you still go on and on about how you're going on a diet, you've lost XX pounds, blah blah blah? I don't think so!
She says her family doesn't have a lot of money. She doesn't have to get a job until she graduates. Her mom gives her money for everything, they bought/gave her her truck. I think you get the picture. it seems like she gets a new computer every few months. She gets expensive clothes and shoes all the time. Her mom gives it all to her. Okay, that's great if your family is that rich, but don't go around saying that you don't have a lot of money. If you want to see not-a-lot-of-money, come over here. And even I have money, it's not that much. Go visit a single parent household. At least I have a job and buy my own clothes (so what if they're not expensive? I think it's stupid to pay $30 for a shirt) and buy my own gas and pay for some of my school stuff. I try.
We were supposed to go our own ways for B lunch, then she was going to call me for 5th to go eat somewhere. So I didn't go with AM and get high (which would have been 3 days in a row). I called her 3 times and she never answered, didn't even mention it. Ok please blow me off.
But you know, I've been the doormat for people for so fucking long that I guess it's expected for people not to consider my feelings.
Wow. I feel so guilty for writing all of that. I should delete it, but I won't. This stuff has always bugged me, I think I even wrote about it in here once apon a time. Why am I so pissed off?
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004