I haven't talked to Sarah in over a week. And that's okay. If she wants to be this way then fine. I'm sick and tired of being the one trying to contact her, with nothing in return. I am so sick and tired of being used as a doormat by all my so-called friends!
I have such a good time at Arsegas with the Crew. You have no idea how liberating it is to connect with them. Jackie and I went outside while I chain-smoked. We talked about so many things. She's had the suicidal thoughts and actions, the pills, the therapists, the divorce, the body image problems. The only difference is that she's at the acceptance stage. I really need to hang out with her more often, although she's a lesbian and that kind of makes it uncomfortable to hang out one-on-one. But Crew Night is like therapy for 2 hours, it is so great. I can get everything possible off my chest and can safely bet that someone else feels the same way I do.
I have 3 new X on my wrists. I didn't even want to. I was just sitting on the computer, looking at the envelope opener (those really sharp ones) and decided 'what the hell'. Not a good way to justify it, but it's the truth. And it's calling again.
You know what my life needs? Sound effects. That way I can hear breaking glass right now, when my world crashes down around me. Wouldn't that be great? Maybe people would stop looking at me funny when I start dancing and singing in my head.
Shane. That Boy. (heh, only 2 of you got that) I think I like him, then I don't think so, then I do think so..AGH. I wish I could make up my damn mind. This entry was going to mainly be about him, but I don't feel like talking about him anymore.
I suppose that is all. I wish you people would freaking write more. I'm on d-land all the time you know.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004