me: i hate myself and you know it so it doesn't matter what i say
me: say it think it what's the difference
Shane: i wish you could love yourself like i love you
him: i, without a doubt, like you
me: why do you care so damn much about me
him: because i love you.
him: no one makes me feel the way you make me feel
me: do you mean that
him: of course i do
me: do you *love* me love me
him: yes i do
me: you shouldn't
him: but i do
Now what? Of course I like him, I would be crazy not to. If you met him you'd like him too, his personality is so great and he's cute. But something didn't work all the other times that I've gone out with him. I don't know what went wrong, therefore I can't fix it, therefore it would never work again. I think I've changed a lot since November. It doesn't show in here because I dont really write anymore. Things change, people change. I don't want to subject myself to a relationship: I don't want commitment. I don't want to be hurt and I sure as hell don't want to hurt him again. I've done that enough already.
I don't see how anyone is attracted to me. I'm fat ugly stupid selfish whiney and always have to have things my way. I have an awful avoidant personality. I never want to go out and do anything with my friends. I never call anyone, they always call me, and even then I don't really talk to them. There are so many things that I need to get over before I make ANY commitments. That's why I don't even want to think about college.
In a way i wish he would get over me. Be completely done with anything to do with me. And I was starting to think he was, until last night. Today was just odd being around him, and I only saw him for maybe 5 minutes total.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004