I need a cigarette.
Last night was so bad. The coming down is always the worst part, sometimes not worth the high. But this time, I wouldn't have gone back and changed anything, besides what happened. I am still not ready to talk about it.
Jake asked if I would do hard drugs and I said no. Then a little later I said the only two drugs I couldn't see myself doing were meth and heroine.
They all did meth thursday night. I sat there and watched them and it was the weirdest feeling. I just smoked my cigarettes. And then I did about 8 shotguns. Snorted hydrocodone, got really happy. Smoked a bunch more cigarettes. Took one hit of dope.
The comedown was awful, obviously if you read that deleted entry from last night.
I finally got some sleep, 11:30 to 7:15. I am so drained from not eating/sleeping for a while. And I'm getting sick. I'm very tired and cranky and have no energy or motivation to go take a shower before work. At least I took one last night. I want to eat something good to make my throat quit feeling funny, but nothing sounds good. I ate some french toast and I feel like I'm going to throw up.
I'm going to kill someone tonight. Too bad I'm going to be the last one to leave tonight. Hey at least Morgan has to leave early tonight, the stupid bitch who doesn't give us enough tips..Maybe I'll go to sleep before we open, or eat some tortillini (cant spell that..). That always makes me feel better.
I don't know what I'm saying. I'm more tired now than I was last night when I'd been up 4X longer. Maybe I'll tell you what happened later. But lets just say that Cole...oh buddy...what am I going to do? I haven't seen shane since monday night. I miss him, but I think I needed the break. I'll call him in a minute..
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004