Last night AM spent the night and we had a mini-party, but I don't even feel like talking about it.
Work tonight was, stupid. It was so slow. I found out that one lady I work with fell at Devil's Den and cracked her vertebrae. I found out that Brig was pregnant a week ago (she would be the best mother ever, she was so so so excited), and tonight I found out that she had a miscariage. They are both out for the rest of the week, and it's come down to my sister filling in for the first time since she left the place. At least I hope she can fill in. And I still have no one to cover for me on Saturday the 3rd. I've had this trip planned for 3 years and spent $900 on it, they can just fuck off. I am so sick of getting screwed over at work because Daniel is a fucking asshole.
I need some way to let my feelings out. I wish I could paint right now, but I think my paints dried up. I don't want to play piano tonight, I don't think that would help. I'm trying desperately not to go in there and cut but I don't know.
I feel so alone right now. All these bad things at work tonight, plus partying all weekend and no sleep last night, I am just so overly stressed right now. And I want to call Shane and talk to him, or see him monday and tell him these bad things and then him put his arms around me. I want things to be back to the way they were before I fucked everything up. This is all making me want to cry.
So many skeletons are coming up from my past, I talked a lot about my g-ma tonight at work. And this trip to DC, July 5th marks 2 years of my g-ma's accident and I'll be in DC. July 8th (the day that we come back) is 11 months for my aunt being dead. I just can't believe everything. Maybe I'll go out there when I get back and lay some flowers on her grave. And father's day tomorrow, fuck that. As far as I'm concerned I don't have a father. I looked up more to my g-pa then I did my dad. At least my bro isn't here so maybe he won't call me tomorrow.
I need a miracle to get me through the night without doing something stupid.
Closing the door, once and for all - 07.25.2004
random crap, and yes I suck. - 07.20.2004
fuck everyone - 07.18.2004
On Religion - 07.12.2004
Getting it all out - 07.11.2004